I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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