aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
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Houston, we have a squirter
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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