Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
