They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
