32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
