i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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