me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
And then my night got REAL pukey
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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