she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
