Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
