I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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