she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
