Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
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Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
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I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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