I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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