So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
there is puke in my bra ... again
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
