How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
