I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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