Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
