if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
