According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
