My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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