Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
