No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
