OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
