Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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