I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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