This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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