Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
