We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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