i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
