Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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