i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
