why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
