is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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