He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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