Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
