Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
