We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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