i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
