I accidentally burped into my bong.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
