TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
