T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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