a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
