to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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