hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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