im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
