I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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