her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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