why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i out mim tonsoeep
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
