I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
