Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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