Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
