If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
