It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
