508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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