You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
