I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
