can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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