Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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