I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
