so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
