You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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