and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
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You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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