Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Drake has all the answers
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
