Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I need to calm my uterus...
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
