Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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