well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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