It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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