do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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