Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
