This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
