just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
