You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
