Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
