Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
