Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
