I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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